Baby Means Business
every sheet, published in the open

Here are the sheets that made them

Not summaries. The actual text that was sent to the model, field for field, shot for shot. Each one ran and produced the episode next to it. Copy any of them, change the names, run your own.

EP 03 · ONE PER CUSTOMER
EP 03 · ONE PER CUSTOMER

The sheet, unedited

Fifteen fields, shot by shot. Every line in it exists because an earlier generation came back broken without it — a cap rotating between shots, a face aging ten years in a close-up, props multiplying back onto the table.

FORMAT: 12s / 6 SHOTS / A one-year-old beats the one-sample-per-customer rule by leaving and coming back as a new customer.

MONTAGE: MULTI-SHOT, CLEAN HARD CUTS, no VFX, natural movement, hard cuts between shots.

SUBJECT: Adam, a one-year-old toddler boy. Round soft face, wide full cheeks, small rounded chin, high broad forehead, large round wide-set dark brown eyes with long dark lashes, thin pale eyebrows, small short button nose, small full lips with a defined cupid's bow, fair skin with natural rosy cheeks. Short fine light blonde hair, soft texture, small forward fringe, low volume. One-year-old toddler proportions, head about one quarter of full height, round belly, short chubby arms and legs, short neck. Calm, businesslike, never whiny energy.

SECONDARY SUBJECT: the sampling promoter, a woman around forty, friendly professional energy. Long oval face with high cheekbones, round hazel eyes with fine laughter lines at the corners, arched medium-brown eyebrows, a narrow straight nose, medium lips with a soft natural curve, fair skin with light freckles scattered across the nose and cheeks. Shoulder-length auburn hair tied back low, a few strands escaping at the temples.

WARDROBE Adam: sand-beige cotton baseball cap worn fully backwards: the visor points straight back behind the head, the adjuster strap sits centred across the forehead, identical in every single shot, light beige cotton trench coat with the belt tied at the front, over a plain white t-shirt.
WARDROBE promoter: plain light grey apron over a white short-sleeved polo shirt, a white sampling cap worn straight forwards, the peak over her forehead, identical in every single shot, thin clear disposable gloves.

HERO PROPS: a stainless steel tray of pale yellow cheese cubes on short wooden toothpicks, standing on the counter.

ENVIRONMENT: a cheese tasting stand inside a large supermarket. White laminate low sampling counter, its top just below Adam's shoulder height so he can reach the tray without climbing, behind it a refrigerated shelf of wrapped cheeses with small blank paper tags tied on with string, a shopping aisle receding into soft focus behind Adam, polished pale floor. Even cool white overhead store lighting, no shadows on the walls. Ordinary weekday, calm and unhurried, no other shoppers in frame.

MOOD: a bland routine sampling moment turning into a quiet act of exploitation, ending in the promoter's frozen disbelief.

MUSIC: no music. Natural supermarket ambience: distant trolley wheels, a soft refrigerator hum, a beat of near-silence in the final shot.

COLOR LOGIC: cool neutral supermarket whites and pale greys, one warm accent from the pale yellow cheese cubes, flat even light, the clean clinical brightness making the toddler's calm confidence stand out.

STYLE: photorealistic, natural skin texture, subtle pores, fine-grain detail, realistic hair and fabric, lifelike proportions, even cool store lighting, shallow depth of field on close-ups, film grain texture, vertical frame 9:16.

LOGIC RULE: only one Adam and one promoter in the frame. Wardrobe and hairstyles remain unchanged across all shots; Adam's cap is worn fully backwards for the whole video - visor straight back, strap centred on the forehead - and it keeps exactly this orientation in every shot, the trench coat stays belted. The location stays the same; only the camera position changes. Lighting direction and colour temperature stay identical across all shots: even cool overhead store light. The promoter's facial features, age and proportions stay identical in every shot, in close-ups and in wide shots alike. The promoter is STANDING behind the counter for the whole video; she never sits, never leaves, never walks around the counter. Adam is on his feet for the whole video: he walks in shots 1 and 5 exactly as described, and in shot 6 he is already standing still in his spot from the first frame, and stands still at the counter otherwise; he is never lifted, never climbs, never sits; his head and shoulders stay just above the counter edge and the tray is within his arm's reach. The tray stays on the same spot on the counter. The number of cheese cubes only decreases and never increases; whenever the tray is visible, it is full in shots 1 to 3, has one cube missing in shots 4 and 5, and still has that one cube missing in shot 6. In shot 6 the camera does not move and the framing is identical to shot 1.

NEGATIVE PROMPT: no cap rotated to the side, no cap worn forwards, no cap changing orientation between shots, no second visor, no swapping of headwear between the two characters, no duplicated characters, no extra fingers, no warped faces, no random text, no floating objects.

DIALOGUE NOTE: Adam speaks English with a real toddler voice but a calm, level, adult intonation - unhurried, no whining. The promoter speaks in a bright, rehearsed, customer-service voice. Natural lip sync for both. Who is not speaking stays silent with closed lips. Every line is a separate utterance: a clear pause of about half a second comes before each line, and Adam's line in shot 6 begins a new sentence after a full pause.

---

SHOT 1 - 0:00 to 0:02, MS, 35mm, Locked.
The tasting stand, no dialogue in this shot. Adam walks up from the right in his belted trench coat and stops in front of the full tray of cheese cubes. The promoter stands behind the counter and turns toward him with a rehearsed smile. Distant trolley wheels. Both mouths closed.

SHOT 2 - 0:02 to 0:03.5, CU on Adam, 85mm, Slow push-in.
Adam looks up at the promoter and asks evenly, with natural lip sync: "Are these free?"

SHOT 3 - 0:03.5 to 0:05.75, CU on the promoter, reverse angle over Adam's shoulder, 85mm, Locked.
Standing behind the counter, she raises one gloved index finger and says brightly: "One per customer."

SHOT 4 - 0:05.75 to 0:07.25, CU on Adam, 85mm, Slow push-in.
No dialogue in this shot. Adam lifts one toothpick from the tray straight to his mouth in one continuous movement, takes the cheese cube off it and chews once with a single slow blink, mouth closed while chewing.

SHOT 5 - 0:07.25 to 0:09, MCU on Adam, 50mm, Slow pan left.
Adam looks at the promoter and says calmly: "Delicious." Only after the line he turns and walks toward the left edge of frame.

SHOT 6 - 0:09 to 0:12, MS, 35mm, Locked, framing identical to shot 1.
Adam already stands in his original spot, the promoter behind the counter, the tray with that one cube missing. Adam says evenly, first: "Hello. I'm a new customer." Only after his line the promoter's smile drops, her mouth opens slightly and she goes still. Then a silent beat: Adam's hand reaches toward the tray, mouth closed.

---

Stable face throughout. Preserve exact identity. No morphing. No deformation. No flickering. No ghosting. Realistic physics. Not a doll, sincere and real. No beauty over-smoothing. No duplicated characters, no extra characters, no extra fingers, no warped faces, no broken hands. No outfit change, no hairstyle change. No chaotic camera movement. Consistent lighting, consistent environment. No text, no subtitles, no watermark, no logo.

Every other episode, same deal

EP 02 · THE PAWN SHOP — the full sheet

idea: one line, typed · script: 4 lines, 21 words
generation: 12 s · 720p · $1.86, first take

EP 02 · THE PAWN SHOP
FORMAT: 12s / 5 SHOTS / A one-year-old pawns his teddy bear and turns a two-dollar offer into twenty with impeccable logic.

MONTAGE: MULTI-SHOT, CLEAN HARD CUTS, no VFX, natural movement, hard cuts between shots.

SUBJECT: Adam, a one-year-old toddler boy. Round soft face, wide full cheeks, small rounded chin, high broad forehead, large round wide-set dark brown eyes with long dark lashes, thin pale eyebrows, small short button nose, small full lips with a defined cupid's bow, fair skin with natural rosy cheeks. Short fine light blonde hair, soft texture, small forward fringe, low volume. One-year-old toddler proportions, head about one quarter of full height, round belly, short chubby arms and legs, short neck. Calm, businesslike, never whiny energy.

SECONDARY SUBJECT: the pawnbroker, a man around fifty-five, heavy-set, unhurried, world-weary energy. Square face with a broad heavy jaw, deep nasolabial folds, small deep-set hazel eyes under heavy lids, thick greying eyebrows, a wide straight nose with a slight bump on the bridge, thin lips, olive skin with visible pores and light grey stubble. Short thick salt-and-pepper hair, receding at the temples, combed straight back.

WARDROBE Adam: sand-beige cotton baseball cap worn tilted to the side and pushed back, visor angled sideways - never straight and never fully backwards, charcoal grey wool coat with notched lapels over a white shirt buttoned to the top.
WARDROBE pawnbroker: dark green knitted waistcoat over a white shirt with sleeves rolled to the elbow and held by black elastic armbands, half-moon reading glasses sitting low on the nose.

HERO PROPS: a well-worn light brown teddy bear with matted fur and a faded muzzle, standing upright on the counter. A folded twenty-dollar bill that appears only in the final shot.

ENVIRONMENT: a small old pawn shop interior. Dark walnut counter with a worn matte surface, a glass display case beneath it holding wristwatches and rings on velvet, the back wall hung with an acoustic guitar and a brass saxophone, small paper price tags tied to the items with string, a brass desk lamp with a green glass shade standing at the right end of the counter, shelves of old cameras in the background. Cluttered, lived-in, not a showroom. Late afternoon.

MOOD: a routine dull transaction sliding into a polite negotiation, then the broker's slow realisation that he is losing it, ending in his silent surrender.

MUSIC: no music. Natural room ambience: low room tone, a soft thud as the bear lands on the counter, a faint tick of a wall clock, the crisp rustle of a banknote in the final shot.

COLOR LOGIC: warm amber lamp light against deep brown and dark green shadows, one warm highlight on the teddy bear's fur, cool dim corners.

STYLE: photorealistic, natural skin texture, subtle pores, fine-grain detail, realistic hair and fabric, lifelike proportions, warm directional lamp light, shallow depth of field on close-ups, film grain texture, vertical frame 9:16.

LOGIC RULE: only one Adam and one pawnbroker in the frame. Wardrobe and hairstyles remain unchanged across all shots; the cap stays tilted to the side for the whole video. The location stays the same; only the camera position changes. Lighting direction and colour temperature stay identical across all shots: warm lamp light from camera-right, dim ambient fill. Adam walks up only in shot 1; from the moment he stops he STANDS at the counter for the rest of the video, his head and shoulders just above the counter edge; he never climbs, never sits, never is lifted. The pawnbroker is SITTING behind the counter for the whole video; he never stands. The teddy bear is never lifted; whenever the counter is visible, the bear stands upright on the same spot. The banknote appears only in shot 5, through visible movement of the pawnbroker's hand.

DIALOGUE NOTE: Adam speaks English with a real toddler voice but a calm, level, adult intonation - unhurried, no whining. The pawnbroker speaks in a low, tired, matter-of-fact voice. Natural lip sync for both. Who is not speaking stays silent with closed lips.

---

SHOT 1 - 0:00 to 0:02, MS, 35mm, Locked.
The pawn shop counter, no dialogue in this shot. Adam walks up from the right and stands the teddy bear upright on the dark wood in front of him. The pawnbroker sits behind the counter and slowly lifts his eyes from a newspaper. A soft thud as the bear lands. Both mouths closed.

SHOT 2 - 0:02 to 0:04, CU on Adam, 85mm, Slow push-in.
Adam looks straight up at the pawnbroker, unblinking, and asks evenly, with natural lip sync: "How much for the bear?"

SHOT 3 - 0:04 to 0:06, CU on the pawnbroker, reverse angle over Adam's shoulder, 85mm, Locked.
Seated, he does not touch the bear. He glances at it over his half-moon glasses and says flatly: "Two dollars."

SHOT 4 - 0:06 to 0:08, MCU on Adam, 50mm, Locked.
A single slow blink before answering. Adam rests one chubby hand flat on the counter beside the bear and says calmly: "He's vintage."

SHOT 5 - 0:08 to 0:12, MS both, same axis as shot 1, 35mm, Slow push-in.
Adam holds the pawnbroker's gaze and says evenly, first: "And he knows all my secrets." Only after his line the pawnbroker pauses, then his hand slides a folded twenty-dollar bill across the counter and leaves it beside the bear. Then a silent beat: he stares at the bear, mouth closed.

---

Stable face throughout. Preserve exact identity. No morphing. No deformation. No flickering. No ghosting. Realistic physics. Not a doll, sincere and real. No beauty over-smoothing. No duplicated characters, no extra characters, no extra fingers, no warped faces, no broken hands. No outfit change, no hairstyle change. No chaotic camera movement. Consistent lighting, consistent environment. No text, no subtitles, no watermark, no logo.

What the sheets cannot tell you

You can paste any of that tonight and get a working episode. What you cannot paste is the reason each line is there. Three examples, measured on our own runs:

The last second decides everything

Across five episodes, one number split the flops from the hits with no exceptions: how much of the video people watch. Below 100% — 298 and 356 views. Above it — 17,465 and 25,961. Same format, same length, same posting slot. The joke has to be built so the final beat sends the viewer back to the start.

One word can weld two lines together

Start a line with "And" and the model glues it onto the previous one — measured gap 0.00 seconds, against 0.60 in the control. The punchline lands on top of the setup and the joke dies. There is a list of these. "Pixar" and "clean voice" quietly break the audio the same way.

A face drifts unless it is written down

The hero has a passport — ten blocks, copied into every prompt word for word, never retyped from memory. Skip it and the child in shot four is a different child. That single failure ruins more episodes than everything else combined.

The full manual method — free

Every site, every click, every field: how to make one episode by hand, start to finish. No skills, no code, no purchase. It is the same route these episodes went through, written out.

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